


Fear of Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

by NDKiwi



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Feelings, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23953417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NDKiwi/pseuds/NDKiwi
Summary: James “Bucky” Barnes uses his leave to visit his longtime friend Steve Rogers at Camp Lehigh.  When he finds out that Steve, the runt of Brooklyn, has been chosen for a secret government experiment, he vows to make sure that they have the best night out on the town anyone could ask for.  But what secrets and feelings will the dim neons of an all night greasy spoon expose when the two are alone in the dark of night?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Shrinky/Clinks
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bookjunkiecat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookjunkiecat/gifts).



> This was my first commissioned work for the amazing BookJunkieCat this is my first foray into Shrinky/Clinks and im in love. Thanks also to SusPup for the beta.

A dirty green jeep chugged to a stop outside the mess hall of Camp Lehigh, a cloud of dust billowing around the open top as a soldier dressed in his army greens jumped out. He reached in the back to grab his rucksack, smacking the side of the vehicle to signal the driver to go. Newly minted Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes -- Bucky to nearly everyone -- adjusted his hat to block the sun from his steel blue eyes and smiled. 

He walked confidently towards the doors, slipping in as three soldiers walked out, holding the door for him without noticing his rank as he slipped his hat off. In any other situation, Bucky would have reprimanded them, but he was too busy scanning the room to say anything. There were hundreds of soldiers scattered around at tables, getting food, and chatting. It was a veritable sea of shades of green and buzz cuts, and he was about to give up when the tiny frame of his best friend stood, carrying a metal food tray that almost seemed to be larger than the man carrying it. 

“STEVE!” He hollered over the din, a lopsided smile on his lips as Steve Rogers turned and realized who it was.

“Buck?” The surprisingly deep voice said in dawning realization. The tray clattered noisily on the table as it was tossed down and Steve crossed the room in a speed walk that was clearly trying to hide his desire to sprint. He nearly skidded to a halt in front of his childhood friend and immediately saluted him. “Sergeant Barnes.”

“Stop. I mean, ok.” Bucky rolled his eyes and saluted back. Then he reached out with his free arm and wrapped it around Steve's shoulders, pulling him in for a half hug. “Now show me the guest barracks, Private.” 

“Sure thing, Sir.” Steve grinned, smacking his arm away playfully as he tried to pick up Bucky’s bag, nearly tipping over. “What the heck do you have in here?”

“Just the essentials. I see you haven’t built up those spaghetti arms.” Bucky chuckled as he easily hefted it over his shoulder. Steve huffed and shrugged, going to the door and opening it for Bucky as they both slid their hats back on.

The walk to the barracks was short and they made it in companionable silence, stealing glances at each other when the other wasn’t looking. Bucky dumped his stuff on the bunk he was assigned for the few days he would be here and turned to smile at Steve.

“So, when does your leave start, Stevie?”

“Don’t call me that here, Buck. I get enough crap from the others for being, well, me.” Steve snapped before sighing and dropping to sit on the edge of the bed. “Sorry. That wasn’t meant for you. It’s just...it’s been harder than I expected. But in ways I never thought of.”

“Yeah?” Bucky sat next to him. “Well it’s not like you were exactly built to be a soldier, but you knew that already, so what’s going on?”

“Just the mental strain. We find out if we qualify for the next step of the program tomorrow and I don’t know if I did enough to continue on. Like this could all be for nought.”

“Hey, you are worth more than some of the Generals I’ve met.” Bucky bumped shoulders with his friend and gave him another smile. “And if you don’t make it, there are like a million other recruitment centers across America you could lie your way into and try again.” 

“Yeah. Yeah you’re right. I just...I really want to do this. To do my part for my country.”

“I know. Well maybe if you don’t get in, I will just fold you up and put you in my rucksack and sneak you into the warzone. You can handle no food or water for a couple days, right?” That finally brought a smile and a short laugh from Steve and Bucky stood. “There we go. Now give me a tour. I'm only here a few days and I know you are busy until tomorrow night, so I will need to know where to find things.”

They spent the next couple hours wandering the camp. Steve showed him the research labs and pointed out the offices of some of the more impressive scientists. The canteen was busy when they arrived, and Bucky got them a cold soda to share before they went out to the courtyard and took up residence in the shade of a huge blackjack oak tree. The sun was starting to set and they just sat, happy to be with each other. The fizz of the soda as the top was popped was a refreshing sound. Bucky knew Steve would rarely splurge like this, and he let him have the first big swig.

“Thank, Buck. That tastes so good.” Steve smiled as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “So what will you do until I’m free tomorrow?”

“I dunno.” Bucky shrugged as he took a long drink, a burp erupting from his chest when he was done. “Excuse me. No, I think I’ll make a few calls back home and catch up on some letters. I’ll save the party for tomorrow night, when we celebrate.”

“Don’t. Talking like that will just jinx it.”

“Alright. Alright. Don’t get your uniform in a twist.” Bucky held his hands up with a laugh. “So tell me more about this Peggy you mentioned in your letters. I noticed you slowed as we passed her offices on the tour.”

“She’s partly in command of the project. She’s real nice and I think she actually believes in me. I’ve heard the others say some rude things about me and she made them run in the rain.”

“Do my ears deceive me? Does Stevie have a crush?” Bucky teased with a smirk. This was met with another smack on the arm from Steve. “Careful. I could get you for striking an officer.”

“I told you not to call me that.” Steve huffed and crossed his arms on his chest and looked out over the soldiers milling about before bed. “And no. It’s not like that. She’s just a friend, or at least I hope she is. And an ally. I don’t have many of those.”

“You’ve got me.” 

“Not really. Not any more.” After blinking a few times and taking a deep breath, Steve turned back to Bucky. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring the fun down. I usually take a short run before bed to help me sleep. Care to join me and show me up?”

“Any chance to make you look stupid, I’m in. Not that you need much help in that regard.” Bucky stood, getting out of the way of Steve’s small fist this time. He held his hand out and helped Steve up. “Let me just go change. Meet back here in fifteen.”

They parted to change, making their way to the track when they were done. Bucky knew he would easily lap Steve but kept pace with him for a few laps until it became too frustrating for his muscles and he sighed.

“Sorry.” Bucky mumbled before he took off. The burn in his legs and chest made him feel alive and he almost forgot about his friend as the wind he created whipped his face. As he was about to lap Steve for the first time, he called out, “On your left.” 

The blur that was Bucky nearly stopped Steve in his tracks as he watched, already out of breath and wheezing. After Bucky passed him a few times, Steve just moved to take a seat on a bench beside the track to watch and try to control his breathing. Bucky ran for another twenty minutes or so before doing a cool down lap. His basic grey tee was soaked, clinging to his chest as he plopped down next to Steve.

“I wish I was more like you.” Came the small, embarrassed voice next to him. “If they do pick me, will I even be able to handle the training?”

“Steve, you are strong in so many ways. Sure, physically you aren’t, but if that was the only thing these people were looking for then you wouldn’t have even made it to through the doors of that clinic at the Stark Expo.” Bucky shifted to face Steve. “I have faith in you. Now, you shower and get to bed. I plan on keeping you out all night tomorrow to celebrate, so you need your sleep tonight.”

Steve smiled at that and nodded. He stood and Bucky followed him back towards housing until they reached the fork in the path separating the officers' and enlisted barracks. 

“Thanks Buck. For everything.” Steve gave him a quick hug. “See you tomorrow.”

“Night, Steve.” Bucky watched him until Steve disappeared into the showers before he turned to go clean up himself. After making calls home and answering letters, Bucky went to bed, hoping to whatever deity was listening that Steve had good news the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After learning of the Army's decision regarding Steves future, Bucky takes him out to the dance hall in town. How will they handle others vying for their attention? Can they ever get over themselves and interpret that little pain in the chest as the pining they both share?

The next day dawned grey and dismal, and Bucky thought that it didn’t bode well for good news. He spent the morning doing everything he could to keep his mind off Steve, and what he might be doing. He joined the recruits for morning calisthenics and breakfast, and then went to fill out the paperwork to requisition a vehicle for the night, and make sure that Steve’s request to leave base was approved. By lunchtime, though, Bucky was a mess of nerves. He hid it well, but if anyone had known him here, they would have seen the signs; his knee bounced as he sat on the steps outside the mess hall, biting at his lower lip, and he kept taking long, slow, deep breaths through his nose. Bucky heard feet pounding on the ground coming quickly in his direction and he looked up to see Steve sprinting towards him. 

“They picked me!” Steve shouted with a bright grin. He slid to a stop in front of Bucky and then threw his arms around him and gave him a big, triumphant hug. Bucky was stunned for a moment before he hugged him back.

“I never had any doubts.” Bucky chuckled as they broke apart, both with slight reddening high in their cheeks.

“Stop. You lie. Even I doubted it, and you're even more pragmatic than I am.”

“OK, sure. I had many doubts, none of which were because of you in any way.” Bucky reassured him. “Now, go get into some civvies. I got us a car and got the whole night planned, so you’ll need to be normal for the night. Well, as normal as you can be.” Bucky smirked. “Go.”

“Come with then. I don't have much that isn’t army issued.” Steve huffed in annoyance. 

“Fine, but let’s get going. We’re burning daylight.” They headed off towards the barracks, and Bucky sighed as he dug through Steve's foot locker. “Really? This is all you have?” He asked, holding up pressed khakis and a crisp white t-shirt.

“Yeah. That's what I prefer to wear, and it’s not like I have much time to spend outside of uniform any more.” Steve shrugged and took the clothes, starting to strip and change. 

Bucky flopped back to lay on Steves bed, arms folded behind his head as he let out a long breath. His brain was swirling with concerns and questions he wanted to talk to Steve about, but they had so little time together and he didn’t want to waste it. So he asked the most pressing one. “When do you leave to do it?”

“Hmm?” Steve glanced back over his shoulder. “Oh, umm, they said we leave tomorrow afternoon and the testing is done Friday.”

“That quick, huh? Well at least you don’t have to wait around and worry.” That was so soon. And that meant they only had tonight. Bucky had to make sure this night out was spectacular, just in case it was the last hurrah for them together. When Steve was changed, Bucky got up and tugged him out of the building and towards the waiting Jeep parked near the rec hall. 

“Buckle up, Stevie.” Bucky chuckled as they drove out of the gates. Once they were out of eyeshot of the guards on duty, Bucky kicked the jeep into a higher gear, plumes of dirt billowing out from the tires as they sped off. Steve laughed and held on to the bar above his head with white knuckles.

They sped into Wheaton, pulling up to a dance hall that was lit up. A large banner hung over the doors saying they welcomed all military personnel, and a notice underneath announced that tonight there was a big band over from New York City to play.

“Look, couldn’t have planned it better.” Bucky’s grin widened as he climbed out and waited for Steve on the sidewalk. Bucky held the big door open and let Steve enter first, stopping to check his hair in the mirror by the coat check. The strains of ‘Chattanooga Choo-choo” could be heard filtering out of the main hall, and he clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder as they looked out across the crowd. “Look at all the dolls out there just waiting for heroes like us. The gams on the redhead over there are to die for.”

Steve blushed as Bucky all but shoved him into the room and steered him towards the bar. An older man with a bar rag tucked in his belt loop came up to them. “What can I get you boys?”

“I’ll take whatever's on tap and my friend here will have-“

“A Coca-Cola, please.” Steve supplied. 

“I guess he’ll have a Coca-Cola then. Thanks.” The bartender turned to get their drinks and Bucky chuckled. “This could be your last night out for the foreseeable future and you want a pop? Please don’t ever change.” His laughter died away even if the smile didn’t as the drinks were set down in front of them.

“That’ll be fifty-five cents.” Bucky nodded at the bartender and fished out a crumpled dollar bill and handed it over. When he returned with the change, Bucky dropped a quarter in the man's tip jar.

After the man left Bucky turned, drink in hand, to lean back against the bar. Steve tried to do the same but looked much less casual. “See anyone out there you like?”

Steve glanced out at the people dancing and milling around the room. “Nah, no one out there catches my eye.” He glanced over at Bucky and then back at his drink. No one out there, indeed. “But it looks like you caught the eye of that pair of leggy blondes by the jukebox.”

Bucky looked up and, sure enough, two women were glancing over at him and giggling when they turned back to one another. He lifted his glass and flashed them a smile and a wink. “Let’s go see if they want to dance.”

“You go ahead. I got two left feet and the coordination of a newborn calf. And let’s be honest, they’re looking at you, not me. I don’t need a pity dance.” The sigh Steve let out clenched in Bucky’s chest. 

“Nah. Let’s go play some cards with the guys over there instead. This night is for us.” Bucky turned but Steve’s hand caught his arm, making him face Steve again.

“Don’t do that. Don’t stop yourself from having fun to try to pacify me, Buck. I hated it in school and I hate it now.”

Bucky swallowed. How could he tell his friend that he would love nothing more than to be alone with him instead of being doted on by insipid women? That he would rather steal Steve away from the possible disastrous fate he was going to and hide away with him forever? He couldn’t and therein was the rub. He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, ok. I’m sorry, Stevie. Just wanted you to have some fun tonight, too.”

“I know and I am, really. Being out and hanging with you is all the fun this little body can take.” Steve joked, taking a drink to hide the sadness in his eyes. Sadness born of seeing the only person he ever loved feel so guilty for just being himself. “Now go dance with those girls. You ain’t had a chance for a while now.” 

Bucky chuckled and drowned the rest of his beer, setting the glass down with a clunk and straightened his jacket. “You sure?”

“GO!” Steve shoved him playfully towards the girls and fought the urge to pull him back immediately. Bucky sauntered over to the pair of women, and in no time he was out on the dance floor with one of the blondes. Steve moved to a table and sat, watching the room with a mix of envy and boredom. He had bigger things on his mind right now.

Half an hour later, Bucky made his way over to his friend, dropping into the chair next to him. “I am getting too old for this.” Bucky joked as he flagged a barmaid down for another drink. “Are you really gonna sit around all night? I brought you out for fun.”

“Sorry, I guess my head isn’t in it. Maybe I should just-“ Steve was cut off by someone calling his name from near the bar. He turned to see Peggy and he stood, smiling. “Peggy! I didn’t know you would be out tonight.”

“Of course. I heard the news and was told this was the place you and your friend would be coming to celebrate.” Peggy’s accent was thicker than when she gave commands and Bucky stood, surprised she was British. 

“This is my best friend James Barnes.” Steve introduced Peggy and Bucky held his hand out, taking Peggys and dipping his head to kiss her knuckles. 

“Bucky, please.” He smiled. “I’ve heard very little about you, but I suppose that’s what happens when you are at war.” Bucky chuckled.

“Well I have heard quite a lot about you, Sergeant Barnes. I’m sorry, Bucky.” Steve blushed as Bucky’s smile faltered. “Now, Steve, why don’t you buy me a drink?”

Steve nodded and turned to Bucky. “I’ll be right back.” He held his arm out to Peggy and they walked to the bar with Bucky's eyes on them both, jealousy rearing its head in his chest. He took his beer and found the girls on the dance floor again, trying not to stare like a creep at his best friend and a very beautiful woman, standing close and whispering, tinkles of laughter echoing across the hall from something Steve said to Peggy. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. Not at all.


End file.
